The Mum rage clean.

The mum rage clean is a manic episode of cleaning usually with underlying emotions of rage and self loathing, sometimes shame. There is a moment of recognition that this fight is going down. This could involve seeing filthy skirting boards, seeing that 90 spiders have shit their webs all over your ceilings and are not paying rent. Could be as simple as tripping over one too many toys when mums not feeling as mentally stable as usual. Now I am a nurse, but I am starting to think that there is an area of the brain still left undiscovered. Let’s call this the mum rage clean cortex and that bad boy has been triggered, she’s lighting up like ya mum’s tragic Christmas earrings.

Sorry Dad there is no bringing Mum down now best thing you can do is take those kids and retreat. You have out your cleaning supplies and you are scrubbing like no woman has ever scrubbed before. You have got that rubbish bin out and you are being brutal. All of a sudden you are a pilgrim on the journey to a minimalistic life. You can see it now, zero clutter, a few Montessori toys and dressing your children in linen to go foraging for berries because you have time to burn now and zero stress. Maybe not that far but its the mum rage clean that’s making you mad.

You are really starting to get into the groove of it and your house is starting to look spick and span but that underlying rage is still there as you scrub and clean nooks and crannies you didn’t even know existed. You are having an argument with yourself now, “You will always clean your skirtings once a month!” You are dreaming of a cleaning roster and how you will give your husband a frontal lobotomy in the hopes that one day he will learn to pick up his socks.

Music always helps and for reasons you cannot explain you are listening to a spotify playlist with some similar rage feels going on. Gangsta rap and hip hop aren’t usually a favourite but it just seems the right fit for a rage clean ya know. “As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.
I take a look at my life and realize there’s nothin’ left. ‘Cause I’ve been cleaning, breastfeeding so long, that even my momma thinks that my mind is gone”. Totes appropes hey? “Pop, lock and drop it…and pick up those lego’s for the four thousandth effing time!”

Things are improving though and the fatigue is starting to set in. Your house is extremely clean, not sterile, but clean. You sit back and have a cuppa, scroll pinterest for templates for cleaning routines and post a photo of your house to instagram with a caption “gosh I really need to get in and clean this weekend” Ha-fucking-ha just jokes. And then the tribe is back and you say a sincere goodbye to your beautiful environment and hello to chaos. Until next time.


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