This has been weighing on my mind for some time and my main worry was not to offend. I am now of the opinion that in this day and age I could say “My favourite colour is blue” and i could offend someone somewhere. People will read into anything and interpret things differently so just keep in my mind my aim is to make other mums feel less lonely in this issue not offend anyone who fits into any other category possible.
My issue is with the growing trend of the “Super-mum”. I have on many occasions been called a super mum and in this context I have taken this as a lovely compliment. However, over time I have started to look at this view of myself as a curse.
I think that the general image of a Super mum is someone that juggles around 450,000 things at once, probably earns an income, can still parent to a moderately high standard, doesn’t stab their husband and still has time for themselves. All jokes aside, the role is fairly hard to live up to. When you are labelled as a Super mum what I find is that it is actually quite isolating. I find its actually a bit of a cop out. I find it denies mums of the opportunity to NOT live up to these incredibly high standards. Chances are this mum already has incredibly high standards of herself or she wouldn’t be classed as a Super mum.
For a lot of “Super mums” they have little support or help from those around them. For a lot of “Super mums” they look like they have it together all the time because they do not have an alternative. What is the alternative to coping? There isn’t always a village to support these mums so they are “Super mums” because they have to be.
Like the saying goes, “If you want something done, ask a busy person”. Well I call bullshit on that, and we are sick of being the bloody work horses! Every Mum deserves their moments of weakness, this is one of the hardest times of our lives.
When we call mums “super mums” we need to be aware that without realising it we are adding more pressure for them to maintain this view or illusion. What we are doing is denying them of the right to be just a mum and sometimes not have it together.
By no means am I perfect. I catch myself calling my friends that are acing motherhood super mums. But after experiencing a time when I wasn’t coping with the huge weight on my shoulders I asked myself why I was so terrified to actually ask for any help or support? The answer was the embarrassment that I should be able to cope and that I should be able to do this on my own, all the time, perfectly.
I don’t know the answer, I would love to know if you do. But all I can suggest is to ask the real questions. Offer your friends and family the help even if they won’t accept it, you never know when they will take you up on the offer. Make a meal for a “Super mum” who looks like she has it all together, because you don’t know if she is at the end of her tether. Lastly, mums need to be there to support each and every mum, and make it OK to not be perfect all the time. The “helper” sometimes needs to be helped. There should be no classes or cliques or categories in motherhood. Motherhood is not a race or a competition, or a perfect looking instagram account. So have each other’s back mumma’s!